My home study....part 2....the update.....UGGH!!!

First of all, I don't do well with the home study deal. Perhaps it is because I had to do a grand total of 4 homestudy/update situations and I only have two kids folks, both adopted at the same time. I don't have anything to hide and feel like I am a fairly good person, but there was always something about the actual visit in the home that would freak me out. During the boys' adoption I was a total mess. I cleaned for weeks, behind every corner, every crack, and completely drove my husband nuts with my constant cleaning. I was so disappointed that our social worker didn't want to look in my closets! I was actually upset about that, after all I had arranged my clothes according to color and season, even my shoes. I was totally pathetic. I was also very intimidated by our social worker. Now don't get me wrong, she is the sweetest lady and clearly is on our side, but my worse fear was my adoption journey.....my dreams resting in her hands. What if she were some power hungry maniac that wanted to crush my dreams? I hear some of you laughing. It's okay, I laugh about it now, but back then....no way! I even told her about this feeling once during a meeting in which she requested me to speak about our adoption. A couple was asking me about the home study part and I told them the truth that "C", our social worker, scared me to death. "C" came up to me afterwards and apologized for making me feel that way, but I assured her that it was within me and absolutely nothing she had done or said. It is just hard to relax and be yourself when you know in some odd way a total stranger has some say about your future and your own child.

So today the same social worker came over to do our update. Yep, update! Uggh!! She had called and told us she was running late so I decided to calm my nerves and just catch up on some blog reading. HUGE MISTAKE!!!! I cruise on over to Journey to Mary's blog and find out her thrilling news. I started crying and couldn't stop. So here I sit staring at a computer screen with tears racing down my face and this huge smile and of course my dynamic duo shows up. They see me in tears and get upset. As I am trying to get the dog put up, dry my face, and get the kids calmed down, the doorbell rings. Lovely folks, just lovely! Before I got on the computer I had a few small things to straighten up, but after this event...well nothing got done and my dear social worker had a big chuckle about it all. My sons had their inflatable karate kicking bag in the middle of the floor along with light sabers and a billion Star War toys. The dog had decided to dig for treasure in his food bowl because certainly the dog food on the bottom of the bowl is different from the pieces sitting on the top. I went to dry my eyes and when I did I touch a tissue on the inside of my eye, immediately making it water, which made my mascara run and of course as I am cleaning that up off my face....I realize I have no make up on one eye. And I should add that my dear husband, well let's just say he was extremely talkative today and even my look wasn't getting through to him. He enjoyed pointing out to our social worker that I was giving him "The Look", ummmm, can we say I wanted to kill him at that moment? You would think after being married for 16 years that he would get that the look means to stop whatever the heck he is doing or saying at that moment. Okay, I know I am not his mother, but pllllleease for the love of God, I just wanted to get through this update with some dignity left. On top of this my oldest son comes out and shows our social worker his best Darth Vader impression including almost knocking her glasses off with his light saber. I immediately give him "The Look" and he giggles and stands there. Umm, hello people, did we not rehearse this?

My social worker is really a great person and she made many comments to assure me that everything was fine. I just have to laugh about it all now, but at the moment, hmmmm.....not a thing funny about it. I was mad at every single male in my house today, but so thrilled for a blogger buddy that had such wonderful news to share. Congratulations to Colleen and her family! I am so happy for you all.